Short for: Door Migrating Syndrome
This is a condition that stays dormant for most of childhood, finally manifesting on the onset of high school. There is no known cure, short of a traumatic social faux pas. However, there is debate that a cure indeed exists, the syndrome having been an integral part of the subject’s life and thus embedded too deep in his or her well being to ever be completely removed. In short, those afflicted by Door Migrating Syndrome are
by and large inclined to pursue academic challenges with more vigor than the average person. So much so in fact, that the subject my lose touch with reality, mistakenly believing that they are superior to others for the fact of their studious aptitude. The type-A personality that emerges is both comical and
worrisome. While the subject may flaunt their talents in a disgustingly inappropriate manner, they also engage in manipulation, and have been known to play their own
friends off each other. As a result, cases of infighting among the
DMS have been documented, often ending with no clear cut victor. They are both irrational and systematic. Their greatest weakness is to be found in any electronic device that may aid them in their quest for knowledge. Additionally, there exists for the average DMS a
strange attraction to the sea. Whether this arises from confusion in finding the ocean to be lacking doors or an affinity for
Poseidon’s pointy
trident is unclear. What is known is that they
go to great lengths to spend time on these salty waves of solitude. In closing, the reader will note that the DMS is not your typical nerd. They are both ambitious and benevolent creatures. Their anal attitudes are often overlooked in favor of their subtle hilarity, carnivorous cookie appetites, and ability to offer insight into life’s most trivial details.
Teacher: It is clear that Macbeth has conflicting feelings about Duncan’s murder and is not wholly bad. What does he say to indicate that he made conscious choice to
forsake morality and that guilt is his greatest obstacle? Can anyone remember?
DMS: Oh I know! “If it were done when 'tis done, then
'twere well It were done quickly: if the assassination could
trammel up the consequence, and catch with his surcease success; that but this blow
might be the be-all and the end-all here…”
Teacher: Very good, that was very impressive, you are absolutely correct-
DMS: “…But here, upon this bank and
shoal of time, we'd jump the life to come. But in these cases We still have judgment here; that we but teach Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return To plague the inventor: this even-handed justice commends
th' ingredience of our
poison'd chalice…”
Teacher: Thank you but I don’t think more will be necess-…
DMS: “…To our own lips. He's here in double trust; first, as I am his kinsman and his subject, strong both against the deed; then, as his host…”
Teacher: That will do
DMS: “…Who should against his murderer
shut the door…”
Teacher: Shut your god damn trap
