1: A
bastardised and relatively young language that is incredibly versatile and also sounds better than any other language when put to music. One of the advantages of the versatility of English and its' relative youth is the ability to absorb the best parts of other languages whilst ignoring the silly bits. French people are jealous of the English language because although theirs' sounds much sexier when spoken, it has a million
stupid rules which the rest of the world has no patience for.
2: People born within England (
not Britain or UK). A mongrel tribe of excessively agressive people who, not content with
slaughtering the indiginous peoples of the British Isles, took their agression on a worldwide mission brutally slaughtering and repressing peoples covering the entire globe (unless the french or spanish beat them too it, which was not often due to their laziness).
English people work longer hours than almost any other country in Europe (compensated for by alcoholism) and have a generally shitty quality of life, despite this they maintain an arrogant superiority which engenders hatred for them throughout the world (especially in Ireland, Scotland, & Wales). Although the British government is responsible for the island of Britain it is an essentially English government so any hatred towards the 'British' should be directed first and foremost at the English (rather than Welsh or Scottish).
3. Much the same as definition two, a cunning and deceitfull bastard that will smile at your face whilst planning to give you a right royal fucking (and not in a nice way). Also a nationalistic moron whose
patron saint was a
Roman Soldier from
eatern Europe given to the English by their Norman masters, although the real patron saint of England (and stil of the royal Family) is Edward the Confessor - an Englishman!.
(To a Parisian waiter)
"When you've stopped sulking read the menu in English."
(To an
gibbering Indian call centre employee)
"Pardon? Sorry? Could you repeat that please? I'm sorry but does anyone speak English there?"
(To an American)
"Cat is spelt
C.A.T."
"We don't 'jerk off' here old chap, we wank!"
(To an Austrailian)
"I know English doesn't come naturally to you but may I have two pints of lager please."
(To George W. Bush)
"In English, nuclear is pronounced new-clear."
(To Scots, Welsh, Irishman)
"Do you like the the English?"
(reply)
"No, they're a bunch of no good, blood sucking bastards."