Husbands in remote
Kreplachistan still attend "Poosiwippauniversit
aat" or "School for Husbands." It's as mandatory before a Kreplachi wedding as a
prenup in Beverly Hills. It's considered as necessary to surviving a Kreplachi marriage as laying in a huge supply of 2-layer, deluxe boxes of the best chocolates for the two or more weeks a month of a Kreplachi wife's PMS. (Scientists
postulate that a gene in the Kreplachi population is found on the X chromosome, and women, being XX, get two of them and thus have twice the normal amount of PMS as the general population of women around the world.)
Potential husbands learn important skills like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn without prompting, cleaning up after the goats in the yard,
running errands and putting down the toilet seat.
"It is a difficult habit to break if your mother did not teach you, as a young boy, to do this," remarks
Hayseed Fuzzlov, one of the students who hoped he would marry well as a result of his studies. "I always use the toilet with the seat down," confides the more savvy Fabian Goatchek. "My mother trained me well."
It is said that the best brides will reject any proposal from a potential husband who doesn't possess the distinctive diploma, a whip crossed with a
rolling pin tatooed on a tanned cat skin. "I wouldn't want a woman who didn't want me to have this schooling," remarks
Igo Bonkers, a young man with a flourishing mustache, traditional in this mountainous land and useful for straining the bugs and leaves out of the strong Kreplachi tea "She would be a kind of a slut if she didn't." Unfortunately, after he uttered the Kreplachi word for "slut", three
Amazons charged out of the bushes and
clubbed him senseless with rolling pins. Such words are beneath the classically trained male students, and violations of the rules are judged harshly.
Advanced studies in diaper changing,
doing dishes without
breakage, foot-rubbing and finding
gainful employment are available for those who really are serious about a good marriage, and remedial courses are typically completely booked months in advanced.
The final exam is said to be very tough: "They might ask you something difficult like 'Does this dress make me look fat' and you'd better have the right answer. You could die right on the spot if you get it wrong" Bonkers tells the reporter.
Last year eight men didn't make it through the course. But even their mothers weren't
terribly sorry. "They just didn't learn. Not that we didn't try." remarked one mother, whose late son was a notable dunce. "He deserved what he got."
