A porcine cosmetologist is a periphrastic term for someone who puts lipstick on a pig; in other words, a spin doctor. This is someone who attempts to make something more favorable or attractive than it really is.
A porcine whore is like a pig whore. Porcine means- Of or resembling swine or a pig. It's like calling someone a whore or a pig yet when used together it is more offensive.
Johnny went out bar hopping last night and woke up next to some porcine whore! He likes them big but damn, that chick was huge.
The smell of bacon frying in the morning that permeates throughout the home thus awakening anyone sleeping in. Whether they wake because they love bacon or are afraid they will miss breakfast.
"Dude, I couldn't sleep any longer, your porcine alarm clock told me I needed to grab some bacon before it was all gone"
And
"Are you setting the porcine alarm for the morning?" "Hell yes, I got 2 lbs of smoked thick cut bacon ready in the fridge"
