1. Noun. Massive expulsion of
putrid filth from the bowls; often is excruciatingly delightful. Caused by inordinate amounts of eating or drinking; is less commonly triggered completely randomly. Expulsion will typically
lay waste to one's plumbing facilities. Telltale CSI-like splatter pattern on back inside of bowl and underside of seat, possibly also small amounts on front inside of bowl and under rim. Majority of expulsion will accumulate approximately
four inches below middle of the back of the rim. Expulsion will form similar to a golf ball cut in half suspended one-half inch above the water level. Will almost always require multi-flushes to destroy the evidence. Massive
jetsam will be accompanied by a heavy,
bestial musk. Bystanders can often tell when
the fury has been
wrought by the distinctive funk.
The Fury can be rated on a simple base-ten rating system:
1. Burning exploding nuggets, pellet-sized, light brown.
3. Bigger
pellets, more gaseous. Increased decibel level of flatulence.
5. Begins occurrence of multiple rounds of audible droppings. Pellet size stays the same, enormous quantities of
flatus. Begins increase of liquid excrement.
7. Two onslaughts of nearly maximum size pellets, at least two pints of liquid excrement, and a combined minimum of 20 seconds of total powerful flatus.
10. (Vesuvial): Three massive and distinct onslaughts incorporating at least two logs of a five inch minimum, at least ten three-quarter inch diameter pellets, at least two quarts of liquid, and at least 45 seconds of pungent flatus. Level of toilet bowl must rise (by solid displacement) at least two and one-half inches. Solids should be black or nearly black (completing color shift from light brown to black). Visible layer of fluids should be floating (immiscible) on top of water. First impression should make one think of logs and pebbles of feces marinating in an acidic stew of filth. Bystanders, upon viewing sample, should at least gag. Inconceivable amount of excrement. Only one recorded count of the
vesuvius in
modern history. Can only be obtained by Taco Bell and Japanese
hibachi.
Krakatoa: Mythical level above a ten. Has never been achieved in human history. Must kill subject by pressure differential caused by expulsion of feces.
2. Verb. "To bring the fury." To defecate in a manner which induces the eruption of blood from the orifices of small beings.
1. Anuses worldwide pucker with glee when they feel the fury coming.
2. Well, it took him three grande soft tacos, a
crunchwrap supreme, two steak quesedillas, two hot pockets, a salad with ginger dressing, Japanese
onion soup,
hibachi shrimp and chicken, vegetables, fried rice, six rolls of eel avocado, and twenty-two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, but he finally brought the fury on that poor bathroom.
