A
Wench is a loose (not necessarily literally) yet powerful woman. The Wench is part of a growing
sisterhood devoted to torturing men in the nicest of ways.
1. If men require an "
adjustment" after kissing you?
2. If your tongue can be registered as a precision surgical instrument?
3. If you have you been accused of smuggling melons across state lines?
4. If you really know what a sponge is for?
5. If "Soak a Bloke" is considered your time off?
6. If you think it's wise to use ice cubes and menthol together?
7. If you know that whipped cream is more than just a dessert topping?
8. If men lose the power of speech when you adjust your
bodice or breath deeply?
9. If you are vertically challenged but
horizontally gifted?
10.If you like to play with your food?
11.If when removing your bra on Monday, you find enough loose change to buy breakfast?
If you answered any 3 of the questions above with an "oh yeah," then you are obviously a woman of distinction, a product of excellent breeding, possessed of stunning (if not vaguely dubious) talents and appetites
A True Wench should...
1. Remember that all men are created surplus.
2. Be able to procure alcohol or funds at any given moment.
3. Never suffer from an empty cup or have to pay for it.
4. Be proficient enough in neck biting so as to disable at least one (1) whole side of a man's body (without drawing blood).
5. Maintain a repertoire of at least three (3) Dirty Ballads with which to sing for her supper.
6. Be willing and able to prove the authenticity of her hair color anytime, anywhere.
7. When walking, have the flexibility, when wearing a studded hip belt, to put out an eye.
8. Realize that, when
lacing a
bodice, if she can still breathe, it's not tight enough.
9. Be known to and easily recognized by every Rose Girl and Ale-Keep on a Faire site.
10.Be able to interrupt a scripted scene simply by the way she eats or breathes.
11.Maintain at least the illusion that she can "raise the dead,"
metaphorically speaking.
12.Be able to cause mustache growth on a 10-year-old
Boy Scout with a "
wubby."
13.Know how to polish a sword so as to keep resulting patron drool from
pitting the steel.
14.Strive to create an interesting pattern in her bodice tan without undue stinging or particular
indignity.
15.Have no problem changing her wardrobe in a busy parking lot.
16.Master the technique of removing the whipped cream from a rose without damaging the petals.
17.Know all the right animal noises.
