(
Tannoy): " Could customers with first-class tickets please progress directly to the VIP lounge where you will be greeted with champagne and cocktails."
"Those with working class tickets should turn right on boarding the aircraft, where they will be greeted by
sour-faced lags and wedged into a chair with zero
legroom, between a screaming three year old and a forty-stone one-eyed prostitute. Thank you"