Srpski Bozicni
Bluz
It was the night before Bozic and all through the
kuca,
I sensed the smell of posna
sarma and
rakija vruca.
By the dimnjak the opanci were hung kind-a krivo
In hopes that
Sveti Nikola would soon bring me some
pivo.
My Tata was in his
soba and he was snoring pretty hard,
I guess he was tired from stealing the tree from my neighbor's backyard.
My Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool,
Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to her
corba pasulj.
When out on the lawn there arose such a galama,
My dad yelled from his room "Pa, sta
je sa vama!"
There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage,
I yelled through the window "This is a Serbian house,
come in through the garage!"
Standing in the garage right next to my car,
Was my drunk Ujka
Rade coming home from the bar.
"Ajde,
idi spavaj" I told him with might,
Nobody was going to ruin my chances of seeing
Deda Mraz tonight.
About two hours later I heard a noise down the stairs,
I jumped from my krevet to see who was there.
Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza
It was good ol' Deda Mraz reeking of homemade sljivovica.
He was all dressed in red and big as an ox,
He wore some brown papuce along with black socks.
Smelling like a gipsy that's been drinking for days,
He wasn't what I expected ... I was actually amazed.
"U pi**u CENSORED, kako mrzim ovaj posao," he said,
And then I think he muttered something about his
wife and how he wished she was dead.
He started putting the presents under the tree with absolutely no desire,
They were all wrapped up kinda' shitty with the paper bags from
Meijer's.
A package of 12 carape for me and another pack of 12 for my brother,
About 3 pairs of
gace for my dad and a can of turska
kafa for my mother.
This Serbian Santa was crooked ... he was nothing like the fable,
I should've known it when he swiped my pack of smokes
that I left on the table.
I yelled out: "Hej!" and Deda Mraz turned around like a car,
He quickly took off one
papuca and threw it at me like a
ninja star.
The look in his eyes was nothing but fright,
He said "Ma, j**i se u dupe" and dashed out of sight.
Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek,
Deda Mraz had just farted like some wild
bik.
He got in his fijaker, specially made for hladne
zime,
And he yelled at his
jelene, ime po ime.
"Napred Marko i Bobane,
Petre i Gorane,
Hajde Jovane i Nenade,
Pavle i Zorane..."
And then he yelled, "Hajdemo brze, moramo poc',
SRECNA NOVA
GODINA i SVIMA LAKU NOC