Jimmy's girlfriend: "Jimmy, we've come to the
crossroads in life where we have to decide whether to take the next step in our relationship, which would mean moving in together, or whether to
break it off because frankly, I'm getting bored."
Jimmy Carr: "That's not crossroads, that's a T-junction"
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Jimmy Carr: "I had the sexual history conversation with my girlfriend yesterday, where I had to list every girl I'd ever been with. From the girl I lost my virginity to, up to her. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I should have stopped.
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Jimmy Carr: "It really annoys me when people say they hear voices in their heads, as opposed to where exactly. Hearing voices in your legs! That's proper mental!