Derpies is an increasingly prevalent socially-transmitted disease that impairs mental function in afflicted individuals. Derpies has become as common as one-in-two individuals on average in the world's population. The level of concentration of affected individuals increases the risk of exposure and transmission exponentially. Despite this fact, rural areas appear equally affected as urban areas. Cooperative
vigilance and increased awareness are strongly advised as the only effective deterrents to the spread of this illness.
Symptoms of Derpies include:
Decline in common sense
Impairment of motor functions
Reduction in
observational skills
Appreciation of
reality television
Pattern of poor decisionmaking
Increased laugh response
Reckless driving and parking
Misuse of commonly used words
Distortion of
spacial reasoning
Excessive quasi-aggressive
physical contact
If four or more of the listed symptoms apply to you, a friend or a loved one, Derpies may have already taken root in your social environment. Unlike its permanent, sexually-transmitted
cousin; Herpes, the non-permanent Derpies is potentially deadly. It is important for affected individuals to seek academic assistance immediately to
mitigate Derpies-associated
risks to your social well-being.
Bob: "John has been acting ridiculously. He likes stupid things and laughs all the time."
Alice: "He has been hanging out with
Frat boys."
Bob: "He has been watching
the Jersey Shore reruns."
Alice: "We need to have an talk with him. I think that he has Derpies. And, I don't want to get it to."
