Police officer: Why did you stab your husband multiple times?
Woman holding liquor bottle: Uh... self defense?
Police officer: Sir, you're going to jail.
Man: What?!
By Albertine
Self Defense
popular method of thwarting muggers. Patented by self defense instructor Brett Kaywood and has proved to be effective in the only laboaratory that matters: The streets. When confronted by a mugger, the method consists of 2 simple steps:
This technique can be used in many situations such as:
- You're walking home from work when a mugger confronts you in a back alleyway because he wants crack.
- Your best friend mugs you at his barbacue because he wants your money to buy crack.
- Your mugger is sleeping in their own bed (remember to climb in through the window) and is mugging you for crack.
- Your mugger is bound by the wrists in the trunk of your car and he is mugging you because he needs crack.
Person 1: I heard it was your grandma's 100th birthday today. How did that go?
Person 2: She tried mugging me to buy crack so I used what I learned from Self Defense and pulled out my gun.
By Sandi
Self Defense
The skills you need to master and use to protect yourself from home invasion, robbery, or other personal attack by greasy haired Pachucos, Crips, Bloods, and other criminals.
If you want protect yourself from attacks by Pachucos and other criminals, you have to learn self defense.
Liberals call Self Defense "taking the law into your own hands." They do not want people to defend themselves against criminals.
By Dorrie
Massachusetts Self Defense
Using a rifle, or an axe, to accomplish what a pistol or shotgun would normally be used for. Practiced in Massachusetts because the gun laws generally prohibit ownership and use of pistols.
When the cop arrived, the burglar was dead right there, and there, and there, and way over there. The homeowner had used a chainsaw to perform Massachusetts Self Defense.
By Bettina
Massachusetts Self-Defense
Locking yourself in the bathroom and asking an intruder to please take what he wants and then leave your house.
Because people in Massachusetts are not allowed to defend their life, liberty, or property. This is based on the liberal notions that if we reason politely with criminals they will surely not harm us, and that defending ourselves lowers us to the level of the criminal. (Since liberals do not believe in levels of humanity, this is difficult to comprehend.)
