After being shown around a fairly nice-looking apartment complex, the Timeshare salesman and the customer return to the main office to
finalize the presentation.
Timeshare Rep: So, did you like the
Quazi Glam properties?
Customer: Absolutely! The jacuzzi room was a
nice touch, and the
ocean view is spectacular.
Timeshare Rep: Now, I need to get my double-digit sales quota today, and I'm running terribly short on time, so let's get down to business. You said you are an Engineer, and you probably make like a shitload of money, so how would you like to purchase an apartment for $2,899 a month for 60 months?
Customer: Those apartments don't look like they cost that much!
Timeshare Rep: Aw come on now, work with me. (scribbles on a paper) Using a
hooey mathematical formula I made up while showing you around, you can easily get one paid off in like, 14 months.
Customer: The price still does not justify the quality.
Timeshare Rep: Hmmm. How about I reduce
the payment to $2,199 for 54 months. You can even invite your friends and relatives to
rent it out and reduce your cost.
Customer: Let me think about it later.
Timeshare Rep: Okay. How about $1,
799 for 48 months? I'll even throw in free maintenance and free lunches at the
on-site bistro for 3 months.
Customer: I still need more time to consider this.
Timeshare Rep:
You're breaking my balls here. $1,499 for 42 months, plus all of the benefits, and free heating?
Customer: Alright, fine. I'll buy an apartment.
Timeshare Rep: Great! Now sign on the dotted line before my 100 minute presentation is up (hands over a document).
Customer: (signng the document) Now what if I change my mind and decide to cancel my payment, do I get
refunded?
Timeshare Rep: Um.....no. In fact, by signing up, you are now required to pay $2,899 up front, plus a $7,
345 utility instalation fee, $13,500 pet-chauffer service, and a $1,766 asteroid-impact insurance fee.
Customer: Fuck.
Timeshare Rep: Thank you for purchasing a Quazi Glam property. Here's a complementary ticket to
Jamal's Flea Market. Have a nice day. Sucker.
