The biggest, SUV on the road. Optional 5.4 L
V-8 (standard),
6.8 L V-10 (
ricer killer), or 6.0 L/7.3 L
Powerstroke V-8 Diesel (powerhouse). They are usually found being meandered around by a
soccer mom or a redneck, weigh nearly
8000 pounds, use a runway to stop, handle like trucks, and chug down gas. However, when used properly, they justify these characteristics.
The Pilot: In the hands of a soccer mom, they can, and do, pancake
Prii (Priuses). In the hands of a redneck, they can be seen being used in a reckless and stupid fashion. However, in the hands of a capable driver, they can be very safe and don't typically run into anything.
Maneuverability: They're big. They need space. If you know what you're doing, you can move them into and out of the most cramped parking spaces.
Weight: They're big. They weigh a lot, there is no way out of this one.
Long Stop: Factors like brake, tire, and road conditions play critical roles. If the driver is observant though, they can usually stop in time or maneuver around the obstacle.
Handling: The F-250 truck frame is responsible.
MPG:
Dismal, but they are amazing people
movers. When loaded to capacity (8 people), their 15 MPG are justified. BONUS: Plenty of power. It goes in the snow too.
All in all, they only become viable when you need to move people in a climate that can be less than favorable, or if you need an SUV that can do the job of an F-250 (i.e.
tow a trailer).
Small wonder they are no longer made.
Walking down the street.
Guy 1: Is that a tank coming down the sidewalk?
Guy 2: NO! It's a soccer mom in a Ford
Excursion! Run for your life!
Guy 1: Damn,
that thing's big.
Phone call between work buddies:
Worker 1: You gonna come to work?
Worker 2: Nah, there's a foot of snow on the ground, my Suburban won't make it.
Worker 1: You're not gonna slack off this time, I'm gonna come pick you up in the Excursion.
Worker 2: I thought you used that to tow your RV?
Worker 1: I do. My Expedition won't make in the snow either.
Worker 2: Do I have to come to work?
Worker 1: Yes!
In a V-10 Excursion when confronted by a ricer at a light:
Ricer: *
Fart can Revs
Driver: If I ignore him, he'll go away.
*Ricer guns it, goes
weedeating down the street.
*Excursion does a sensible, controlled acceleration, but doesn't keep up with the ricer, as he's not racing.
Ricer: I win.
Driver: We weren't racing.
Ricer: You just say that 'cause you lost. *Fart Rev
Driver:
It's game time. *Screaming V-10 Rev (Pure unadulterated awesome)
*Light change
*Ricer guns it, goes weedeating down the street.
*Excursion guns it, goes powering down the street.
*Excursion overtakes ricer with the aid of
310 hp (if racing a ricer that does meaningful mods, about the same) and
425 lb·ft of torque (probably five times more) despite the fact that it's at least four and a half times heavier.
*Ricer resorts to a
ricer flyby.
Moral of the story: Ricers suck, torque wins races.
