(from an email i got from a friend)
The Ultimate
Poopie List
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the
poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skid marks.
Second Wave Poopie- It happens when your done poopie-ing, and you have pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you almost have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie- You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie- Self Explanatory!
Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie, Poopie- It's the kind where you want to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's
where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (
The Power Dump)- The kind that comes out of your rectum so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same time chronically burns your tender poop chute.
Mexican Food Poopie- It smells so bad the room is condemned.
The Girlie Poopie- The people that think their poopie doesn't stink..
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie- That's the kind where you're in the public rest-room, and there are two people waiting for your stall. You poopie and flush two times, but several golf ball-sized pieces are still floating on the water..
The VanGough Poopie- That's where after you poopie, you are shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and try to figure out what you ate to do it again.
The Show-and-Tell Poopie- You're so impressed with your own poopie, you
leave it in the bowl so all your friends can appreciate it too
The Wipers Nightmare- That's the kind that breaks off too soon, so half falls in to the bowl and half stays hanging.
Ambush Poopie- That's when your in public and you think you have to fart, but you get a sneak attack squirt instead.
Paralyzing Poopie- When you're sitting poopie-ing so long your legs fall asleep.
He Just
Poopied, Poopie- When you get done poopie-ing, you put your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to see.
The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie- Also sometimes referred to as The
Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The Snake Charmer Poopie- A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Ritual Poopie- This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Ranger Poopie- A poopie which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Premeditated Poopie- Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
The Porridge Poopie- The type that comes out like toothpaste, and justkeeps on coming. You have two choices: 1) Flush and keep going. 2) Risk it piling up to your crack while you sit there helpless.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie- An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you cannot poopie.
The Peek-A-Boo Poopie- Now you see it, now you don't! This poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Mood Enhancer- This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The "I Think I'm A Bunny" Poopie- When you drop lots of cute, little
round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Poopie- When the
bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your poop shoot on the way out in the morning.
The
Honeymoon's Over Poopie- This is any poopie created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner- A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The
Energizer Poopie- "Still Going!"
The Crowd Pleaser- This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Cliffhanger- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last
cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it's going to smear all over the place.
The Back-To-Nature Poopie- This poopie may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. Beware of poison ivy wipes.
The Aftershock Poopie- This poopie has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The Terminator- You poopie so hard you fall off the toilet.
T2- More extreme then The Terminator, you require some medical assistance to restart your heart. Clear!
The Cowboy- You've got to poopie so bad that you proceed to buck and holler until finally the
poopie's been tamed.
The Runner's Poopie- Experienced by long distance runners who don't want to stop so they poopie in their shorts. (inspired by Jeff Reigal of
BadAxe, MI)
Poopszopherenia- Fear of poopie-ing, can be fatal!
The Pool Poopie- Usually performed by younger children. It's too much fun in the pool so why get out? Makes a great
floatie toy afterwards!
Painter's Poopie- You're up on the
scaffolding and it takes to long to get down so you just cramp it and wait.
Lost Poopie- That's when there's a poopie in the urinal.
